Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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