If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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