Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
