so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
