I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
