Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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