Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
