when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm always down for nudity.
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