dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
