Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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