he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
