you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
