I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
