Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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