Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
did you just send me my own nude
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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