No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
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When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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