well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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