I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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