Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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