WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
