I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize