piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
