Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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