At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
