Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
