I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
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i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
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We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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