I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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