omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize