there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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