You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
