if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
