My first STD was from a foam party
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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