I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
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And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
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It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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