On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My life is pants optional.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
