I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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