the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
