Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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