great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
