K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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