I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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