Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
