oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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