Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
