Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
