He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
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You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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