i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
