I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
