I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
