i just sent this text using only my big toe
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
