we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
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Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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