opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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