I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
