oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
