Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
