Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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