Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
