Texts From Last Night

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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.

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  (262): foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes. http://tfl.nu/i9v2
  Replies (117) Good night (1434) Bad night (5914)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?

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  (917): you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom? http://tfl.nu/36az
  Replies (238) Good night (5088) Bad night (1346)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.

  (906): View more from Michigan

  so you're not coming in to work today?

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  (231): I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops. (906): so you're not coming in to work today? http://tfl.nu/mm6u
  Replies (13) Good night (1466) Bad night (4142)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  there were more penises there than on chat roulette

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  (571): there were more penises there than on chat roulette http://tfl.nu/5x41
  Replies (22) Good night (1259) Bad night (3468)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.

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  (810): I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago. http://tfl.nu/b9vc
  Replies (21) Good night (4954) Bad night (1237)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.

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  (443): Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had. http://tfl.nu/2xlf
  Replies (28) Good night (8291) Bad night (1478)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....

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  (931): Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me.... http://tfl.nu/xfhz
  Replies (11) Good night (1610) Bad night (3699)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.

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  (406): I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes. http://tfl.nu/2xtl
  Replies (6) Good night (3032) Bad night (771)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.

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  (920): If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it. http://tfl.nu/6xw0
  Replies (15) Good night (1470) Bad night (912)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing

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  (617): Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing http://tfl.nu/5l2y
  Replies (5) Good night (1098) Bad night (533)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.

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  (717): I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing. http://tfl.nu/wa5t
  Replies (3) Good night (499) Bad night (399)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.

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  (860): 6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever. http://tfl.nu/56gz
  Replies (1) Good night (586) Bad night (371)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.

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  (518): I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed. http://tfl.nu/rfcq
  Replies (3) Good night (744) Bad night (368)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears

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  (908): It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears http://tfl.nu/8lxa
  Replies (1) Good night (174) Bad night (272)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!

  (404): View more from Georgia

  The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night

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  (678): WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!! (404): The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night http://tfl.nu/ci7v
  Replies (2) Good night (309) Bad night (130)

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