put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.