If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
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Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
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Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
That accounts for only three of the penises
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail