Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?

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  (516): why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo? http://tfl.nu/oqag
  Replies (16) Good night (2861) Bad night (769)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...

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  (920): the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof... http://tfl.nu/xn7m
  Replies (26) Good night (3450) Bad night (512)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus

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  (727): Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus http://tfl.nu/l3dr
  Replies (17) Good night (2959) Bad night (771)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me

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  (908): he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me http://tfl.nu/31sq
  Replies (20) Good night (1778) Bad night (4720)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.

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  (520): Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust. http://tfl.nu/b11e
  Replies (7) Good night (3824) Bad night (1040)
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  (916): View more from California

  I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...

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  (916): I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one... http://tfl.nu/z7kq
  Replies (13) Good night (5936) Bad night (1040)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.

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  (917): I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus. http://tfl.nu/e2af
  Replies (9) Good night (4262) Bad night (1080)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.

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  (361): Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin. http://tfl.nu/3skp
  Replies (2) Good night (1911) Bad night (1140)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday

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  (603): Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday http://tfl.nu/obg3
  Replies (10) Good night (1695) Bad night (497)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.

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  (403): I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave. http://tfl.nu/rhln
  Replies (4) Good night (659) Bad night (363)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls

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  (215): i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls http://tfl.nu/liuo
  Replies (5) Good night (712) Bad night (333)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??

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  (716): Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again?? http://tfl.nu/md65
  Replies (4) Good night (343) Bad night (674)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while

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  (978): i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while http://tfl.nu/owfg
  Replies (2) Good night (530) Bad night (382)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.

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  (540): This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus. http://tfl.nu/cdhc
  Replies (1) Good night (238) Bad night (507)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.

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  (303): I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room. http://tfl.nu/4ego
  Replies (3) Good night (571) Bad night (174)

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