I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?