meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
