I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
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We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
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I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's