Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
no, he came in my armpit
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
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apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
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I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that