When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
