I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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