Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
