I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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