Can Purell be used as lube?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
