I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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